she said goodbye to me today,
said that friendship wouldn't be,
she said that i messed up her life,
she made it clear, though i could't see,
i'd done no wrong, but when i asked,
she gave no anwser, just turned her back.
and stronger, now i feel the pain,
my life line to the world cut slack.
i looked so hard to see my fault,
the act that provoked this tragedy,
but search with vengeance though i might,
the truth of it was hid from me.
and now i trudge by, day by day,
no point or objective for my life.
im getting to the apex of most pain,
i think of the ritual of the knife.
i wonder now "how bad can it be"
to draw pictures on my arms
with a blade so sharp, so cold, so harsh
to draw my blood without alarm.
this fondled thought, though, is just that,
an idea i play with, just consider,
at this point i don't think i'm strong enough,
or mad, enraged, fickle, bitter.
i know i won't go that far,
though it amuses to me to think,
but silent shadows close in now,
and i am on the brink
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